Okay, I have some very exciting news (exciting to me, exclusively), and I want to jump right into it, so let me get the most boring update out of the way first- no, I’m not sober. Moving on.
So, I met someone. God bless me. I want to share everything. His name is Jawad. Super cute, and dangerously my type. Personality-wise, he’s eerily similar to Carlos- masculine, but still goofy and playful. I feel like they’d be best friends if they ever met. God forbid.
It started when Yasmeen joined my company. Since we’re attached at the hip, I ended up getting familiar with everyone in her batch, including Jawad. The first time I really paid attention to him was when Yasmeen ran up to me to tell me he said my hair was perfect, and I went, very quietly, “Shut up, he’s literally perfect…” so quietly that she didn’t even hear me. I actually refused to repeat it because he was still in the room. Some slight dignity for a change.
A few days later, I joined them for dinner after work. During dinner, everyone started sharing their first impressions of each other, and he casually revealed that he heard me say all that, he just pretended he didn’t. So humiliating. Everyone started laughing at me. Unfortunately, actually seeing his personality outside of work only made me like him more.
Not much happened over the next couple of weeks, which is entirely my fault. He would come up to me or the group, and I’d get so nervous that I’d just stand there politely, contributing absolutely nothing, until he’d get bored and leave.
But then something shifted. Last week, he blew me a kiss and winked at me on his way to the elevator. AFTER skipping the previous elevator just to talk to me longer. Not gonna lie, I still haven’t recovered from this.
The next day, I waited outside for him to finish his shift, obviously. Very normal, nonchalant move by yours truly. He ended up staying with me and Yasmeen, and when she had to go back inside, we kept talking for another half hour. That night, I got his Instagram. How? I pretended to care about the stock market until he offered to send me an intro course. I don’t care. A win is a win. We both know I don’t care about stocks, because he never even sent the course. I’m convinced he just wanted my Instagram too.
Wait. For. It.
Next day. I went up to the smoking room hoping to catch him before he left. As I walked in, he walked out, talking on the phone. I couldn’t just turn around, because that would be obvious, so I stayed for a bit before heading back down. And there he was, still on the phone, standing by the elevators.
Fuck my life. I should’ve waited. But at that point, I had already committed to leaving. As I walked past him, he stopped me by grabbing my neck and whispering for me to wait. My NECK. I don’t think I’ve ever obeyed a command so eagerly in my life.
I won’t say much about Friday. We talked again after his shift, but he gave me the ick a couple of times. But then I found out that before shutting down his computer, he asked Yasmeen if she was going on break with “Ameero.” That alone was enough for me. He even came back to the office an hour and a half later to invite me out, but I declined because his friend scares me.
After that, I told myself I wouldn’t talk to him as much. You know, to keep the spark alive a little longer. To be mysterious. That didn’t even last a business day.
Yesterday, we had our longest conversation yet- about an hour- and I think it went really, really well. Like, I was finally present and being funny. I actually felt like I was doing well that entire day. I didn’t see him much today, but he texted me a couple of times for help and gave me a new nickname: “Ronzi.”
Every day, he opens up to me a little more, and every day I like him more. Dare I say, I love him.
But I’m scared. I haven’t even really considered the possibility that he might be straight, even though there’s a real chance. He’s not like the other guys I’ve liked- he’s not openly anything, not really hinting, he’s not even queerbaiting me. I’ve just decided myself that he’s not straight.
I don’t know. I’m just going to enjoy this while it lasts and hope it turns into something more.