Oh my. Where do I even begin. This week has been all over the place.
Work has been getting really irritating lately. Before, it was customer service and my coworkers irritating me, but at least it was kind of fun. Now it’s customer service and my coworkers irritating me and it’s boring. A couple days ago, I asked customer service to obtain some missing pages and, naturally, Joshua pushed back for about ten minutes, trying to prove that nothing was missing. I told him to call anyway. Lo and behold, pages were missing. Miles is killing me too. I really dislike people who can never admit they’re wrong and instead twist everything into a “misunderstanding” or a “miscommunication.” No. You were incorrect. It’s okay. You will survive.
On top of that, I found out I will not be moving to the paralegal team for at least another few months. Mind you, I formally accepted the position almost three months ago. Since then, it’s just been delay after delay, and now- surprise- even more delays. My manager doesn’t want me moving until they find someone valuable enough to replace me. Which is heartwarming, I guess, but it also feels like I’m being punished for being too competent. A cursed skill.
It was Maya’s birthday last Saturday. I didn’t even realize until the day of, but I actually had a great time. Somehow, we ended up spending at least an hour looking for a random girl’s lost cat- or, more accurately, we took an hour to walk down two streets laughing and taking smoke breaks. Also, please never go to a club with her again. She’s scary when she’s drunk. And when she’s sober. She kept fighting the men there, and while I admire the confidence, I also know the first person they’d beat up would be the gay boy defending her, not her.
PS: The cat was found a few days later. No thanks to us.
I saw Suwetha for the first time since graduation, which felt really strange- I never expected to hang out with anyone from high school after finishing. I forgot how fun she was. I might also have early-onset dementia, because I apparently don’t remember most of the people we went to school with. Thankfully, I won’t be seeing her again anytime soon- she’s moving to Germany next week. Good for her. We’re just very different vibes now.
I was abruptly interrupted by Amal while watching The Voice of Hind Rajab- by the way, completely paralyzed by the end of it. Fuck Israel. She wanted to practice her tarot reading, so I asked a few questions, and the answers honestly resonated with me more than I expected.
According to the cards, I need to stop being content with what little I have. I need to want more, because I deserve more, and I will have more if I put in a bit more effort. A miracle will come and save me, but not if I’m standing completely still. Things will work out, but I need to make the first push. I should stop doubting my plans and just go for them. Work came up a lot too, including the Tower card, which feels self-explanatory. While I don’t think a tarot reading alone is enough to change anything, it did read me to filth, which I enjoyed.
My mom’s wedding was this week. I cannot believe how much ass I shook while sober- I was that happy. It wasn’t the most fun event, but it was my first wedding, and it did feel very special. Everyone thinks Yasmeen is my girlfriend now, though. Letting that rumor live.
Later that night, we went to books@ to see Hamza and Majd. Truthfully, we knew they had left hours earlier, but I wanted to see Salah. Not much happened. We made out briefly by the restrooms before he had to leave to drop his sister off at the airport. He said he’d text me to see me later at Hamza’s place, which I didn’t believe- but to my surprise, he actually did text me. Just to say Hamza wasn’t answering. I told him I’d still like to go for a drive or something. He ignored that.
Whatever. He gave me a balloon, which was really cute. I’m keeping it, even though I die every time I see it.
Shamefully, he left me so sexually frustrated that I broke my four-year streak and downloaded Grindr, hooking up with literally the first person who messaged me. I won’t get into details, but I will say he texted me again ten minutes ago, and I am choosing to ignore it. Boring. Lazy. I went home still sexually frustrated.
I miss Salah. The sex was pretty vanilla, but he’s one of the only people I actually enjoyed it with. I’m actually obsessed with him.