This one’s probably going to be short. I’ve had a pretty uneventful week- no, actually, I just don’t remember any of it. My drinking has gotten really bad again. I managed to finish a liter bottle of arak in three days. Twice. Do you know how humiliating it is to text your alcohol delivery guy six days after ordering two liters of hard liquor? Extremely. It feels like he should be allowed to report me somewhere.
What’s somehow even more shameful is that I spent three hours calling every liquor store in Amman. Unbeknownst to me, every single one of them was closed due to some (very unserious) Islamic holiday called Al Isra’ wal Miraj. I had to learn the hard way that this holiday even exists. Thankfully, I did eventually manage to get alcohol delivered to me, though I was wildly overcharged.
I’m planning to set up a consultation with a therapist next weekend. This decision came after I woke up in complete shock following a night out, genuinely amazed that I had made it into my bed. Like… seriously? Incredible work, Ameer, you survived, phenomenal. But yes, my wake-up call was realizing I shouldn’t be blacking out to the point where waking up at home feels like a miracle. It’s not normal, I know it’s not normal, and yet…
In terms of progress, Salah was there that night but left early. I was visibly disappointed, especially since we didn’t even do as much as kiss. He told me he was going out the next day and would text me the details. He did not text me the details, obviously. What’s shocking is that I actually wasn’t hurt by it at all. At least not at the time.
As I’m writing this now, though, there’s a hollow pit in my chest. I really would’ve loved to have seen him. So yeah, no progress this week.
I started watching Sex and the City this week and I’m obsessed. I’m in season two, and unfortunately, I really see myself in all of the characters- especially Carrie. It shouldn’t be as healing as it is to watch myself from another angle, but it is.
I’m also really excited for Euphoria season three. I don’t care what anyone says- you are not too old for it, and it has not been so long that you suddenly don’t care. Or maybe you are old and joyless. Not me though, I’m personally thrilled.