I have this nauseating, chest-aching hangxiety that will not go away, and I feel like it will only disappear if I incriminate myself. So, let’s talk about last night.
We’re at Cellar, and I don’t know about anyone else, but I was having an amazing time. I was just so happy to be a complete mess. At one point, I was repeatedly jumping and screaming for minutes at a time, because I thought everyone there was so boring it was killing me. There’s no defense. It was a house music night; they were dancing correctly. I was the problem. But I discovered I can jump alarmingly high, at least.
Anyway, I text Jawad to come to Cellar (important note: he had told me to come a few days earlier, so this is basically mutual). He shows up alone very quickly, which I thought was so cute. Unfortunately, I do not remember doing much with him once he got there, because he kept disappearing. I later found out he was already at C.Ling with his situationship, so he was probably trying to juggle us both before bringing her down to us. I do feel a little bad, because it really was the perfect opportunity. But he did kiss me on the neck at some point, so I’m okay. Also, this is not even the first time he’s kissed me. I love him so much.
Then Carlos shows up, already drunk.
And suddenly, for a moment, my biggest fear evaporates- I think he actually likes me. He kept asking why I never go to books@ anymore and repeatedly told me to come by. We didn’t talk much, though, because I got nervous and shut down like an idiot. Side note, I think that might be my issue. The whole… shutting down thing. Very inconvenient.
Now, here’s the part that sucks.
Carlos and I start making out aggressively. In public. The security dude was actually so mad at us, but I think that’s between him and God, so whatever. I was really getting into it though, because I hadn’t seen Jawad for a while, so I thought he had gone for the night.
He had not left. I look to my right, and there he is. Now I need you to imagine the most awkward, painful exchange of “hi”s ever recorded in history. Oh my god. We stayed apart for most of the rest of the night. Fml. But also, he brought his situationship too, so? It’s fine, right? No, watching them make out would have destroyed me.
The gag of it all is both of them disappeared that night, and neither of them texted me back. So now I’m just sat here with extreme hangxiety for literally no return on investment. And, just to round out the experience, I tripped and ate absolute shit in front of a group of people while I was already suffering.
I want them both so bad. This is actually sick.
Very obvious song choice for my Heated Rivalry-type night..